Sometimes it's rough when people assume without looking at the whole situation

Or don't realize other's have been looking at the big picture, but they are so sick of staring at nothingness that they just give up....

It's all relative truthfully.. and sometime's it's not over themselves but out from under the mass of shit they are buried into breathing space and broad daylight...

Maybe, just maybe, they've got it piled a little higher.. maybe their trying to help break down the wall that's it your way and in the process they are getting covered with your bricks.. and you don't even know it.. so you just throw the bricks in that pile you see forming..

And you don't even noticed the person who had been trying to help you is now buried underneath...

But maybe it's all a crock..

Maybe it's all just crap, everyone's just babies, and they need to grow up..

Who knows.. i've been wrong before...
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"What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say."-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Song(s) to d/l:
Bjork - Sensuality (techno remix)
B.G. - Bling, Bling
Inside Out - Eve 6

"This is what courage is. It's not just living through the nightmare, it's doing something with it afterward. It's being brave enough to talk about it to other people. It's trying to organize to change things."-Leslie Feinberg, Stone Butch Blues
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I can't say I've ever felt this way before, that I understand completely what's going on. Maybe it's just a miscomprehension of the people or situations.. and because my interpretations lead me to believe I'd never be there. Maybe that's it the reason I can't say "i know what you're going through" but to some extent.. we can all know.

Sometimes in life, what's too good to be true is just that. No matter how much you think you want something, how good it seems, it has it's catch.. sometimes it shows up right away.. and you can suspect it from the start and prepare of the events to come. maybe even tango with the inevitable.

Other times, it hits you like a brick wall. Suddenly you see all this time and effort put into something totally negated by someone's lackthereof.. someone that you once thought cared about it but doesn't really anymore... they are in it for the good times and the things that come along with it.. but at the first sign of trouble.. of an easy road... whatever.. they are not around and not the ones to blame..

So it makes you wonder, why should I put in all this effort? Why should I work day in and day out for this person to control the destiny.. for this person to come out on top.. if the inevitable is inevitable.. why should I work when I know it won't change the outcome..

But then again they say, 'it's not the end to the journey towards, it's the journey that matters, in the end'... so is it worth it all for that rough road of good times and bad... is it even worth if you question the road at all... when more often you're saying "stop the world, I want to get off" than pumping quarters into the red corvette in front of Wal-mart...

I wish I had some good advice.. but then I'd be a hypocrite...
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"We're all stuck in the gutter. It's just that some of us look at the stars."
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Song(s) to d/l:
Fire and Rain - James Taylor
I'm Alright - Jars of Clay
Two Out of Three Ain't Bad - Meatloaf

so i've been slacking.. sue me :P

(repeated from Jan23 w/ good reason)

Sometimes I just don't know why things are the way they are
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one to blame for it
After all... you don't talk much
Well no, you talk a lot
But what did they say in Hamlet... something like
Words without thought will never to heaven go
You know.. that whole iambic-pentamerish philosophical wonder
You're yelling so loud for something
But what
It's like your waiting for me to say the right thing
and I don't even know it's my turn to speak
It's like your waiting for me
but just when I begin
you leave
and stop
and go
and go
and go
I come
you go
After waiting so long
for me to realize that it's one foot
in front of
the other
It like one large circle
and saying take a left
right after the vertex
I'm not quite sure what you mean
Your ramblings, your calls, your panics
Your love...
Your hate...
Your complete indecisiveness
I know it's
just not about what i want
but I at least want to know what's going on
sometimes
So what is it you want...
give me a hint
I want you to understand
the difference between
tangible and transparent
understandable and ridiculous
That it's hard to react
to a situation you don't even know you're in

Sometimes I wish I could just turn back time
To when I could've just changed things
Moves made
C6 instead
of letting you snatch the queen
while the pawn's guard was down
Now I'm stuck in this corner
tossing and turning between black and white spaces
in a supposed techni-color world
You got me
I lost this little game
Now let me in on the rules
so we can start playing fair

Checkmate
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Song(s) to d/l:
I'm Movin' On - Rascal Flatts
I Will Survive - Cake
Falling Down - Vertical Horizon

you can take me away from my sorrow
but you can't take away my scars
i stand in the middle of the highway
playing chicken with the cars
it's nothing destructive I
just want to feel your pain

if there was anyway i could have known
i would trip and fall away from you
if there was anything i could have done
to stay in love with you... with you..

wish i could say to you what you are to me
but i know iot would make you sad
you are too good to be my lover
but you've been the greatest dad i ever had
you made life so lovely I
just had to mess it up

if there was anyway i could have known
i would trip and fall from your grace
if there was anything i could have done
to stay in love with you

if i knew i'd do it twice
just to make sure that i did it right

if there was anyway i could have known
i would always need to be alone
if there was anything i could have done
to stay in love you with you
i'd be in love with you.. with you..

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Song(s) to d/l:
Anyway - Fisher
Lines Upon Your Face - Vertical Horizon
Liberty - Vertical Horizon

Collapsing was much softer
Still falling always hurts
Only after sensing your love
For always ever burned

You justified my folly
My affluent disguise
Removed revealing nothing
Yet nothing unforgiven lies
Unforgiven lies

No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do

To touch the rose unfearful
Is to meet the thorn
And pierce the heart's emotion
And feel the emptiness no more
Emptiness no more

No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do

Took some time to realize I've fallen

No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do

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i only wish

so you wanna be a rock superstar and live large...

but what does that do for ya?

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Song(s) to d/l:
No One Loves Me Like You - Jars of Clay
Rock Superstar - Cypress Hill
You Light Up My Life - Leann Rimes (or other various artists)

Ahhhhhhhhhh...

The sigh of relief...

Gold medal from the FIRST 2001 LongIsland Regional is sitting on my desk.. the Motorola Quality Award trophy is resting in the shop with the SpiderGoat..

And I guess I'm still really in shock....

Or I guess I never won...

I feel the same as when we won the regional in '99.. when we went in and we playing... I never once felt nervous.. and even as we lost the first match of 2-out-of-3 then, the higher stakes brought better driving.. and it wasn't until after the fact that it even occured to me how insanely calm I was..

Same here.. I was slightly nervous going in.. I knew we could do it.. But we had unreliable execution by many teams over the previous matches... We went out on the field.. we played both the elims out to the max.. and we won...

And I never realized 'til now that as alliance coach of the picking team, all eyes ears and robots turned to me every match for strategy and what to do... and it never occured to me that if I gave out a bad strategy that could lose it all for the team... just like one wrong move on the sticks can cost you a medal.. so can one bad strategy call... I'm more nervous now than at any point during the whole competition :):) but that is looking back..

and we are looking forward...

Nationals are to come... but until then.. I have to get prepared for D-term... Looking to improve or equal c-term (2 A's and a B)...

Check ya on the flipside

Stupidity killed the cat.

Time for me now to babble in my blogger...

So this week went decently well.. 3rd place isn't too shabby... I learned I have a higher tolerance then expected with stupidity people in close-knit and pressured situations...

Just in a kind of mellow mood.. lots of things going on in my head these days.. trying to make them all into some reasonable... i can't decide whether to just sleep on forever tomorrow and let the snow block me in.. or to actually try to get up and accomplish some things...

We'll see I suppose.. :)
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Song(s) to d/l:
I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan
Bling, Bling - B.G.
My Own Prison - Creed