i'm currently on hiatus from my blog, as i am acting as 'guest jen(n)' on jiggafly's blog. look for me there.

Cancer: You may be clueless, but you're in excellent company. Entrepreneurs thrive in times of uncertainty. Cancer is already embarking on a winning streak that will soon blossom wildly.

so i get to be 'guest jen(n)' as a test pattern for when she goes away c-term. starting saturday, look for my guest jen(n) posts about her hiatus to the biblebelt-ish :P

have a honky tonk great day :P

in other news:


blogger is like all new from my side. an unexpected but pleasant change

the power keeps going out cause too many people have too many damn A/C's

i have saturday off. and i didn't even ask!

i'm hitting up foxwoods on monday and i plan to win big

some thing are just freaky

... that's all the newness from here. cell's still not charged, sorry!

i have to post this link so it will allow me to view it properly. the rest of you can look at it too if you like. i'm not sure what it is. but if it's something bad, it's chris's fault!

..it must be nice.. ah well.

Fight For Your Mind - Ben Harper

If you're gonna live
then live it up
and if you're gonna give
then give it up
if you're gonna walk the earth
then walk it proud
and if you're gonna say the word
you got to say it loud

you got to fight for your mind
you got to fight for your mind
while you got the time
you got to fight for your mind

if you're gonna build a house
make it a home
if you're gonna pull some weight
pull your own
if you're gonna help
reach out your hand
if you're getting up
then take a stand

you got to fight for your mind
you got to fight for your mind
while you got the time
you got to fight for your mind

if you're gonna step
step on in
if you're gonna finish
you got to begin
don't you fear
what you don't know
just let that be
your room to grow

you got to fight for your mind
you got to fight for your mind
while you got the time
you got to fight for your mind

i need to get up, get out, and get on with it. stuff's boring right now though. should pick up in a bit with brother moving out, frontiers, birthday, then eventually back to woo.

i definitely need to find something/someone to fill all that in between space.

"Control your emotion or it will control you."
- Samurai maxim

"he said, 'I have seen the others, and I have discovered that this fight is not worth fighting..'"

Cancer: View your situation with clear eyes and a cool head. Revisit recent experiences that may have been affected by your mental state. Amazingly clear thinking is possible when you turn down the volume.

geez horoscope, be good to me now... cause i need that amazingly clear thinking more than anything lately.... i need 'vision and the 20/20 wisdom'

this is just a note to say i hope you are never in one of jen(n)'s dreams, cause it's bound to just turn out badly. :P

today's great horoscope: Cancer finds fun and discipline in a healthy balance between self and community. You generate a safety zone from which you can be truly creative. Welcome back to your real life. You've been gone too long.

so in the essence of the 'top 5' of high fidelity and cause jen(n)'s blog reminded me off it. i think i'm going to start doing top 5's. maybe a weekly thing. who knows. i just think it needs to be done.

top 5 movies i can watch over and over again (multiple times in a row too)

5. ocean's 11 (the music just does it for me)
4. life as a house
3. rudy/hoosiers (all those sporty movies)
2. high fidelity
1. bridget jone's diary

so that's less crafty of the top 5's. but they will be great. maybe we can celebrate 'top 5 tuesdays' next year or something. it's an idea in the making :P

so what's new in my world?

nothing really, nothing at all. today i got up at 6:30am for no apparent reason. i watched movies and baked my mom a birthday cake and accomplished very minimal to show for my extra hours of awakedness. given i have much to do before friday (and a completely full day tomorrow) i should make better use of my time. but fuck, it's summer, i'm still (1.5 months later) waiting on the raise i was told i was getting, and heck i just couldn't decide what to do so i didn't do any of it.

so the next couple days will be hectic with a little work work and a whole lot of battlecry stuff so i'll be scarce. but the cell will be on, and any one is welcome to come to wpi on friday and help setup for battlecry (and fool around lots) or come saturday and hang out at the competition and have some fun.

byes :)

me?
me, i feel like crap today
you?
you have done a great job of achieving your goals
glad i could help.
i wish i could say it was more that ruined my day
then something more than what you say
but no
that's all it is
sticks and stones do break
hearts ache
and this pain is something hard to unwind
i wish your ignorance
didn't talk so loud
didn't walk so proud
then maybe there'd be room for another option
but in this tight knit world
the thread has been pulled
the unraveling begun
but keep on keeping on almighty
that's fine with me
i'm just about ready
to turn this pain inside out
i'm ready to lose it
right back at you

This is an APB to all spontaneous fun people looking for a little action in the back section (back section being the back of a station wagon).

In search of two (2) or more daring people to venture to the tallest peak in Maine, the place in the United States at which the first rays of sun hit. You may have read about this mountain in John Kwoles famous novel "A Seperate Peace." Although a fiction story, this mountain, I've been assured, really does exist.

The trip would consist of sleeping overnight on top of the mountain in order to view the earliest sunrise possible in the US. We do not know that the region near the top of this peak is inhabited by camp grounds or huge wild bears waiting to prey on sleeping people in station wagons. It is, however, a risk we will just have to take because, by golly, it's worth it.

Now here is where the 'being spontaneous' comes is: the spring solstace occurs between june 19th and 23rd. This would yield over 16 hours of sunlight on those days, making it a great time to go somewhere to view the sun. So we are looking to take this trek during that time span. I know, you say 'it's too short of notice'. But alas, what are you doing that could possibly be better than this??

Nothing, I believe. There is nothing quite like this.

You only live once. The world could end anyday (Scientists say there is a 50-50 chance of the apocalypse occuring). Why not take in a great sunrise before you can't anymore?? It's something you don't want to regret. Believe you me.

So respond. Be a fool. Rush in. This is a once in a lifetime APB.

We are a non-discriminatory organization, all are welcome who are willing to have fun and laugh their butts off. Well, mostly. Suck as-ses and chachis need not apply.

so life still remains about as uneventful as usual. i slept like forever today.

ooh yeah. but i had some mad crazy dreams last night. i recount for you now the one involving jen(n), a rollercoaster, and a huge slide:

ok. so jen(n) and i were at this 'amusement park' of sorts. we see this huge yellow rollercoaster so we decide that we're going to go on it. but it's on like test mode or something (actually i think we went to the 'other' rollercoaster because they were somehow intertwined or something). anyway, we get on it and it's going in like slow-mo. but there is a car full of people going normal rollercoaster speed in front of us which we're watching. it was almost as if it was a 'we'll bring you around the track slowly, see how fast the other one goes, then decide if you ride'. so we get to the end and we get off, and there is no one there but us (no attendants or anything). and we're looking at parts of the rollercoaster and thinking 'we didn't go over that part' and we begin to think there is something fishy about this place. so then, we see this huge slide. i mean HUGE. we were up like 200 feet in the air and this thing went all the way down. it was also like 25ft across or so. it's like one of those slides you go down sitting on a potato sack at the local fair or whalom. 'cept 20 million times bigger. apparently it's closed cause there is this rope in front of it and no one attending to the 'ride'. so jen(n) decides it'd be funny to pretend slide down while holding onto the rope (cause she could fit in between them) and so she does that, and out of frickin' nowhere this huge wave hits and see flips around like a gymnast on the uneven bars and slips and goes down the slide. i'm like 'shit what's at the end of this?!?'. out of nowhere there is this huge pool at the bottom too. so i see her swimming towards what i assume is an exit or side and she seems ok, so instead of sliding down after her, i try to get down to where this pool is. so i run through this maze of stairs and stuff to get to the bottom. then i'm trying to look for water areas and i run to this building where all this people are. and so i ask someone who works there where that pool of water leads to. they say: 'what pool of water' and i say 'the one at the bottom of the rollercoaster and slide' and they say 'which rollercoaster' so i point to the large yellow rollercoaster and say 'that one' to which the guy responds 'that rollercoaster doesn't work. plus, there's no water there. were you over there? if you were over there we have to arrest you because you can't be over there' so i'm like 'no' and leave and try to find another way there or more water. and everywhere i go, the rollercoaster keeps moving where it was.

then my mom woke me up cause it was 1pm and i was still sleeping and i had to work soon. :P so jen(n)'s still swimming.. somewhere.

dance you frickin' monkey, dance.

so this is in response to jigga-fly

did you get a car or something? or were you just riding home in someone else's car stripping? suuuure that unix guy isn't to date.. uh-huh. hopefully he's not 'made up' like some other nameless people (mainly nameless cause i don't remember his name and you won't let me refer to him/them as i used to). i'm sure it was a sight though. a sight i'm not upset that i'll be missing :P

kentucky, eh? well, my frontiers work starts the 14th, so i'd have to be back by then. but i'm sure they have airports in kentucky.. maybe i could find a 'cheap' flight out. cause i shouldn't be spending more money, but what the hell, you only live once. plus, i ain't never been to kentucky and i think this would be funny. and heck, i've never camped or anything so this tent village fiasco sounds cool. where exactly in kentucky are these festivities occuring? hick-country and redneck-ville aren't exactly precise descriptions :P

bowling sounds fun. it's been a while since i've been bowling. i'm doing nothing tonight. 1. cause i'm mad tired 2. i have to get up early tomorrow and go to graduation (amy's validictorian and i gotta see her speak cause as of last saturday she's like "i wrote 1/2 my speech, and it sucks. but mr. gaw says no one will remember anyway". so i hope she does well and i will be there hopefully to see it before i have to leave for work. i'm so sick of work. but yay i have sunday off. maybe we should do something sunday? is it supposed to suck weather wise? i dunno. let me know what's up. maybe i can come visit when ralphie AND you will be there. :P

i'm going to seriously die on thursday mornings. both a and b term thursday is my long day (and wed. is a short one, so we'll have to start mad early so i'm not dead at 9am) and i keep seeing these good deals for wines (ooh. and those cruzan mojito drinks and stuff.. $1.69 for a 6-pk. frickin crazy) and i'm like "i should buy some to stock up" and then i wonder how crazy my parents would prolly think i was. then i think that i could clean out that trunk area of my car that locks down and store stuff there. then i think 'what if i got a flat tire?' and someone stopped to help me (a statie maybe) and they would be like 'what the hell are you doing with all that wine?'. needless to say,. i haven't developed a plan yet.. so the deals keep passing me by. oh well. they will return soon enough. i can't wait for august :P on that topic, at work they have hibachi's and burger grills for like $10 so i'm thinking of buying one for the porch before they are gone.. since i don't think the plan was to buy a full size grill. also, there are 40-pc sets of tupperware for $10 that i was gonna get since i have no tupperware and a bunch of yours was missing. we'll use it (and i'm sure by the end of the year, all 40 pieces will remain). so that's what i was thinking.

i forgot to tell you, last week i went to sakuru with liz and we tried a new sushi with salmon in it. it was pretty good. and i caught the zucchini. me and one other guy were the only ones. and our chef like lit his arm on fire. it was crazy but man that must have hurt.

i saw warren. he was nuts. he reminded me of half the WPI community. i didn't see it the day he lost though, i was kinda upset the next day when i watched it and he wasn't there. he was a cool guy. so we may have to sign up and travel to new york and try out of jeopardy. i don't think there were dates on the site though, so we'll have to investigate further.

they call me monkey shit head!!

i'd offer to come pick you up for battlecry but i'll be busy setting up all day friday. i could get you thursday night if you wanted to take friday off from work :P but otherwise, that sucks. how come nica and matt aren't going? i wanna see a spandex suit already!! i keep seeing these fun things and think 'i bet we could make something cool out of that' and then i lose interest. but i've started making my blanket out of all the tons of old t-shirts i have. i made it through cutting like 10 t-shirts. production has been halted for the last 1.5 weeks cause, well, it was boring. i'll get around to it before i die. i hope :P


i keep trying to make smiley faces but i miss the ) and hit the P instead.. so i'm not really slobbering a lot, it's just a lack of stretch on the part of my right hand middle finger. apparently it doesn't have as much practice as it should. (note to self: practice stretching right middle finger more).

there is no other news cause my life is an evil cycle of boring pursuits. alas. i did buy some funny things in cvs. you will have to wait for them though! mwhhahaha.


i started to write you a letter the other day
i didn't know exactly what i was going to say
at the last minute i threw it away
cause i didn't think you'd read it anyway
...
then i thought to myself what have i got to lose
cause i can't fall much further now
look what i've got to win
...
thought about everything that we've been through
about all the places we've been to
never thought we'd go to"

random. :)

so i was reading jen(n)'s blog after a prompting IM from her, and then i minimized the window. a bit later i looked back and in my taskbar i can see something with "Groovalici" and i'm like "how the hell did i manage to open porn?!" and then i realized, no, that's just jen(n)'s website. how fun.

in response to jen(n)'s blogetter (same disclaimer from hers goes on mine. read away all who wish)

i'm all for bringing back the holi-days with wednesday winos as a lovely new addition. i definitely have to check my thursday class schedule to make sure i'm not going to die next year during my all A's quest and horrible giddy drunkenness on wednesday nights. well, it's never actually horrible. but man, i kicked butt at trivial pursuit for juniors. speaking of which, i was watching who wants to be a millionare today and i was thoroughly (it just took me 8 tries to spell that word, be proud) annoyed by the fact that i watched it through 20 questions and answered 18 of them correctly before the choices where shown, 1 after the choices were shown, and 1 (and only one) i would have needed a lifeline for cause i had never even heard of the book in question. needless to say these chachis used ALL of their lifelines and left with no more than $16,000! I was like man that would be the easiest cash ever, plus i could kept on going cause i would have had lifelines. man. depressing. but my mom suggests that i need to try out for college jeopardy. i equate my potential performance with having about as much grace as falling flat on my face in front of hundreds of hot men. oh well. i think we need to give this a try. if nothing else, i think you could make it and i could cheer you on. it'd kinda be like when we went to foxwoods and you just kept winning and i was like "oh well, i'll just keep breaking even". and they keep showing foxwoods commercials and i think we need to make another appearance.

on the job circuit.. the number of hours i get each week took a drastic turn for the worse today when i looked at the schedule and i only had 24 hours next week! jesus. i asked for one day off, and i got 3. the only reason i wasn't completely mad is cause i noticed many of the other people had much less hours as well (and they are full-timers, so it's prolly worse for them). but anyway. i really don't care at this point. i'm thinking maybe i should take a week off and venture to kansas or whatever backwoods you're going to. i'm taking the two following weeks off, why not that one too. of course this will mean i'll have to work much more during the school year for rent money, but i know you won't leave me even if i come home late :P it could be a fun trip. we'll need to discuss this more, cause i don't care about taking on more week off, and i'm seriously planning on finding a job in woo to start anew after my two weeks at Frontiers (i figure victory's good til then, cause a new job wouldn't appreciate me being like "oh yeah, i need these two weeks off. yeah i know i just started").

in other news. i think this kid from wpi works for polar and stocks beverages in victory and was giving me weird looks. maybe he's just weird looking. or maybe i am and i extract these weird looks from people but i just felt like being like "hell, you were in my calculus class". oh well. hot new guy is still hot. hot old guy from the past was back around. it's all weirdified. some days i think i get too much sleep. others i'm dying. i don't know what's up.

are you coming to battlecry (y'all should, june 14, harrington auditorium, wpi)? you could hang with piotr and do the dj-ing since i made the list and i don't know how piotrs planning on doing it. you could be monkeys together. :) damn coldplay is on. damn jen(n)'s music. oooh. now counting crows. much much better.

i need more excitement in my life. i also need to revamp my website some. add comment-ability or something just for kicks. if only i had skills, i would.

"see music can alter moods and talk to you
but can it load a gun up and cock it too?"

i'm glad to see the poem i noted below has awaken a new era on jen's website. it makes me feel good cause:

a. it means someone besides me reads this :P
b. ernest cline is a wicked cool slam poet
c. i miss slam poetry and think it should be quoted more
d. i was having a sucky day, and that made it less sucky.

so i've decided i hate work. yes, it's easy. but i've worked there 6 years, in which i've called in sick once (yes once, and that once my former-boss being the asshole he was/is hung up on me), i've gotten like 3 warnings (average cashier prolly gets at least 1 every 1-2 months), and i always come in extra if they ask. what do i get for that, shit! shitty hours, shitty pay. i was supposed to get a .50 raise 4 weeks ago and i've seen diddly. i don't ever get cash-in hours anymore, and each week i get less and less hours total and less hours in the booth. and oh yeah, all the sudden i only get to work every other sunday (1.5 x pay). i'm ready to quit. i say that all the time, but damn i'm ready. if i see next's week schedule tomorrow and it sucks, i reeeeally need to consider this option.

but at least when you hate your job you don't care if they get mad if you ask for two weeks off. maybe i'll start being like most of the other screwballs that work there and don't get fired and i'll just start calling in sick at 3:30 when i was supposed to be in at 3. or better yet, i just won't show up. i'll be constantly late. i'll suck at my job. i'll mouth off to customers. yeah. yeah. they don't get fired. this could almost be an office space scene in the making.

so now that i've indulged in my moment of self-pity. i'm going to go get some dinner. and maybe email jfly since i haven't and i miss her. and maybe call emily cause i haven't and i miss her. and maybe call jim cause apparently the crack monkey is now living right down the street and he doesn't even let me know!

anywho. things i should do. prolly will do none. but oh well. at least i tried :P:P

"oh captain my captain"

Dance, Monkeys, Dance
by Ernest Cline

Orbiting the sun at about 98 million miles
is a little blue planet
and this planet is run
by a bunch of monkeys.

Now, the monkeys don’t think of
themselves as monkeys.
They don’t even think of themselves as animals
And they love to list all the things
that they think
separate them from the animals:
Opposable thumbs, self awareness . . .
They’ll use words like
Homo Erectus and Australopithecus.

You say Toe-mate-o,
I say Toe-motto.
They’re animals all right.
They’re monkeys.
Monkeys with high-speed digital fiber optic technology,
but monkeys nevertheless.

I mean, they’re clever.
You’ve got to give them that.
The Pyramids, skyscrapers, phantom jets,
the Great Wall of China.
That’s all some pretty impressive shit . . .
for a bunch of monkeys.

Monkeys whose brains have evolved
to such an unmanageable size
that it’s now pretty much impossible
for them stay happy for any length of time

In fact, they’re the only animals
that think they’re supposed to be happy.
All of the other animals can just be.

But it’s not that simple for the monkeys.

You see, the monkeys are cursed with consciousness
and so the monkeys are afraid.
So the monkeys worry.
The monkeys worry about everything,
but mostly about what all the other monkeys think.
Because the monkeys desperately want to fit in
with the other monkeys.

Which is hard to do,
because a lot of the monkeys seem to hate each other.
This what really separates them from the other animals.
These monkeys hate.
They hate monkeys that are different.
Monkeys from different places,
monkeys who are a different color-

You see, the monkeys feel alone.
All six billion of them.

Some of the monkeys pay another monkey
to listen to their problems.

Because the monkeys want answers
and the monkeys don’t want to die.
So the monkeys make up gods
and then they worship them.
Then the monkeys argue
over whose made-up god is better.
Then the monkeys get really pissed off
and this is usually when the monkeys decide
that it’s a good time to start killing each other.

So the monkeys wage war.
The monkeys make hydrogen bombs.
The monkeys have got their whole fucking planet
wired up to explode.
The monkeys just can’t help it.

Some of the monkeys play to a sold out crowd . . .
of other monkeys.

The monkeys make trophies
and then they give them to each other.
Like it means something.

Some of the monkeys think
that they have it all worked out.
Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche
The monkeys argue about Nietzsche
without given any consideration to the fact
that Nietzsche
was just another fucking monkey.

The monkeys make plans.
The monkeys fall in love.
The monkeys fuck
and then they make more monkeys.

The monkeys make music
and then the monkeys DANCE
Dance, monkeys, dance.

The monkeys make a hell of a lot of noise.
Exhibit A
Monkey making noise.
And when he’s done,
five other randomly selected monkeys
will rate this monkey’s noises
on a scale from one to ten.
At the end of the night,
they add all the numbers up
to see which monkey made the best noises.

As you can see . . .
these are some fucked up monkeys.

These monkeys are at once the ugliest
and most beautiful creatures on the planet.

And the monkeys don’t want to be monkeys.
They want to be something else.
But they're not.